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so on friday after going up to my mom’s and helping her through the whole job thing, cb called and thought i could use a drink. which i needed bad. so we went to the eagle. it was a fairly quiet night at the bar, not a lot of eye candy – but a nice night to hang out with cb for a bit.
until ::drum roll:: james walked in.
now, i haven’t spent a lot of time talking about james since the first time we split last summer (and most don’t know that we tried it again this fall), cause i don’t like to admit i failed at something – but it is what it is… we tried. and it didn’t work.
but then seeing him brought up to the surface all sorts of feelings i’d been trying to supress. well, no – that’s not quite accurate – the truth of it is, the last few weeks (month), he’s been in my mind a lot. seeing him only forced me to deal with it.
at the end of the day i miss him ton’s – i know he still has feelings for me and it’s pretty obvious i still have feelings for him. i can’t deny them.
he and i spoke again today – it was so good to hear his voice. but at the same time, i could hear all the unspoken stuff between us – the subtext was huge. lol.
i really need to figure out what i wanna do about this.
during my evening’s perusal of my blogroll, one of my favorite blogs that features advertising of an adult nature was sporting this picture:
ummm…. where is his penis? seriously? wow…steroids bad. it looks really deformed.
on the cold front, it’s still kickin, but i hope to shit it’s almost over.
oh, on another front, i have date no. 4 tomorrow night depending on how i feel. we’re calling him “the dr.”, tho’ he’s not an actual doctor. but he digs dr. who, so it seemed fitting.
first off, an update on the “anxious situation” – at the end of the night all was fine (as of course, i knew it would be)… the event was a huge success…. and of course, i looked fine. it was a “funky” black tie affair so you saw everything and anything. in the end, i just hung out with my friend stacey – we dished on other folks, generally caught up with each others lives and had a fun time. we did mingle a bit, and saw some friends – but there were 1400 people there; a bit hard to mingle.
meant to get a pic or two of me all dressed up – alas, that never happened. but here’s a blurry/shadowy self portrait of stacey and myself:
yesterday, cb had his premier with a local concert band. my friend scott tagged along with me and we met cb and the infamous “jim” for lunch before hand. after lunch, we went to the concert where we met up with cb’s step mother, joanne who i’ve met a couple of times and quite like. it was fun watching cb get nervous about the concert – but all in all he shouldn’t have been…. the band was quite good (‘tho, the copeland was a bit off). it was cool after all this time to actually see him do his thing with a band.
here’s a quick pic of the performance. note, cb blowin’ his horn:
after the concert i had to rush of for a ::gasp:: date. the date went well. if things continue to go well, i’m sure you’ll read more about it here!
he’s ok i guess.. 🙂
so prince has this new background singer named shelby j. she’s pretty much the shit. didn’t know much about her until i saw the target center and first ave shows last month and she really blew me away.
at the target center show prince turned the mic over to shelby for a tune or two and on one of the tracks, she tore the roof off of the place with her version of gnarls barkley’s “crazy”.
well, i may (or may not, just sayin’) have come into a bootlegged copy of shelby singing the very same tune one week later when prince & co. invaded the montreux jazz festival.
if i really did have that track, it would indeed be off-the-fucking-hook. that’s all i’m sayin’
damn girl can sing. (plus, the tune heavily features vocoder…. i.love.vocoder)
unrelated… don’t you hate when your holding on to a feeling or an emotion about someone, and then that someone comes along and in a text message pretty much ruins the moment? shit, it’s time to move-the-fuck-on. damn i hate this.
unrelated pt 2…. a blogger-friend of mine may have just convinced me to send him a rated r pic or two i have of myself. sometimes, a compliment can make all the difference. thank you.
haven’t blogged about this cause it was a lil’ too fresh, but i suppose it’s time (namely cause of an email i got from a devoted reader inquiring…) – j aka james aka thor and i stopped seeing each other a bit ago.
first it was a shift from serious to casual, then a full on stop.
sure it hurt / sucks / not where i wanted to be right now; but there’s nothing to be done (or said, really) about it. i just felt like i needed to acknowledge it here, cause this is where i acknowledge everything. what bothers me most is the potential i saw in it. i really, truly believe it could have been something great. all in all, i’m just sad about it. not crushed, not devastated, not even mad. just sad.
we’re trying to be just friends (which we both really want), but it’s difficult cause we both still have feelings. and i for one have never been good at just switching feelings off. however, i’d rather have him in my life than not at all. and it will get easier i’m sure.
at the end of the day i guess i should be kinda happy about everything – this proved i still have it in me to date/care for someone. and to be perfectly blunt, i wasn’t sure that i had it in me after nick (a saga that pre-dates the sr…sl/atomic pop!).
(if he’s still reading, he’ll get this)
this is simply – brilliant.
i’ve often wondered why eharmony.com doesn’t cater to the gay’s and lesbians of the world (perhaps, according to them, we don’t deserve love – did you know that the founder of eharmony neil clark warren is an evangelical christian with ties to james dobson’s hateful focus on the family?).
anyway, this new venture; chemistry.com, is awesome – if only for their advertising. if i was in the market for a bf, i’d so support them.
did i watch the prestige? no.
did i finish putting together my apartment & de-clutter/detoxify it? no.
instead i went out and had a rip-roaring good time with james and a couple of his friends.
first up we went to jetset for a drink or two, then onto the saloon – i’ve not been to the saloon in about 5 years, and oh my god do i feel old. however, we had a blast just hanging out in the video bar and having a drink (or 8). at one point james got so excited when a song came on he actually fell off his bar-stool.
as much as i’m a planner (hello! it’s my job for christ-sakes), and james is much more spur of the minute – it felt good to be spur of the minute last night. i don’t do that nearly enough.
so then today is all about finishing my apartment detox. it’s a little overwhelming right now, but it will feel so damn good when it’s done.
what a fuckin’ great day so far; waking up next to james – the sun is out, the replacements are playing on the ipod, parker’s running around like a mad kitty terrorizing the clutter.
a good day 🙂
oh, and just cause i like to brag – check out the boy… ain’t he cute as shit?
(click the pic to go to the imdb.com page)
“shut your raggedy-ass up, and sit the fuck down!” – jackie brown
jackie brown, quentin tarantino’s flawed, yet brilliant follow up to pulp fiction is indeed the shit. in fact, i find it a far better film to pulp fiction’s overly melodramatic multi-storied action. word’s can’t really sum up how much i love this movie… i love it so much that i just sat through the edited for tv version (tarantino edited for tv? that’s just wrong on so many levels) and i still dug it.
from the sublime pam grier in the title role, to the cameo’s that make this this movie (including micheal keaton’s atf agent, robert deniro’s doped out ex con & bridget fonda’s surfer girl). can’t forget this is based on a elmore leonard book; one of these days i’m gonna read his shit – if it’s half as good on the page as it is on screen, it’ll be a great read.
if you’ve not seen this (or believed the hype that it wasn’t as good as pulp fiction), i urge you to take a second look – and if you have seen it, it’s time to revisit it baby.
“This is the movie that proves Tarantino is the real thing, and not just a two-film wonder boy. It’s not a retread of “Reservoir Dogs” or “Pulp Fiction,” but a new film in a new style, and it evokes the particular magic of Elmore Leonard–who elevates the crime novel to a form of sociological comedy. There is a scene here that involves the ex-con Louis (Robert De Niro) and Ordell’s druggie mistress (Bridget Fonda) discussing a photograph pinned to the wall, and it’s so perfectly written, timed and played that I applauded it.” – roger ebert
it’s been a weird saturday for me… james and i had an odd conversation last night that just makes me wonder a bit where he’s at. everything’s fine and we had a great talk today, but all-in-all, it’s a hard place for me to be in when i don’t know what’s what.
it’s going to prove to be a brilliant buddhist experiment for me to just let go and let this unfold naturally, organically and to let it just “be”.
i’m supposed to go to a party tonight, but i’m just not feeling it. instead, i’m going to do a bit of physical spring cleaning and start to detoxify my surroundings. it’s amazing how much crap one can accumulate. it’s time to get rid of the shit i don’t use on a consistent basis.
after all, you can’t really find peace when your surroundings are packed to the gill and, metaphorically speaking, threatening to rain down and trip you up right?
picked up pan’s labryinth the other day – if i get my apartment into some semblance of order tonight, i may kick back and get lost in del toro’s masterpiece. and i still have the prestige to watch… mmm double feature on the couch? would be better if james was here, but still ain’t half bad.