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ok.  maybe it’s just cause i’m beyond exhausted… working  a lot… just got home and a friend sent me this – it’s incredible.  i had no idea so many gay men had no design sense whatsoever.

check out lurid digs. warning will robinson; not for the faint of heart, the prudish, those offended by the sight of penises or most importantly, those offended by bad taste.  this is decidedly nsfw.

yea, right – as if you needed the proof. 

well, if ther was any lingering doubt, this should change your mind.  when i was watching atonement yesterday i was reminded of something that happened a few years ago. 

it was the new years holiday and ray and jeremy were up from chicago.  it was their last night in town so we vegged and saw a movie (me and a movie, your shocked right?!) – ‘house of flying daggers’.

if you’ve seen the movie, you’ll know the scene i’m talkin’ about here – the one in the bamboo forest, an ocean of green. 

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apparently the moment that the luminous ziyi zhang made her entrance in that green forest, i audibly sighed.  to which ray (or was it jeremy?) laughed and whispered “fag” in my general direction. 

in my defense, it was just so bloody beautiful.  scenes like this are why movies exist in the first place.

well, when watching atonement, there is a moment where keira is wearing the most incredible green dress.

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oh my god beautiful.  i’m pretty sure i audibly gasped here as well.  this dress would look incredible on a (hair show) runway.

so either i’m the biggest fag in the world, or i just have a really big thing for green. 

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or maybe both. 🙂

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the pantone color institute has announcedthat the official color for 2008 is #18-3943 tcx aka ‘blue iris’.  did you know the world had an official color?  yup, me either.  did you also know the color for 2007 was ‘chili pepper red’? 

people, this is information you need to know.  your world is better for it.

there’s also something called colorstrology.  according to the pantone colorstrology site, my color is violet quartz.  who knew? 

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apparently, people also find me “easy to be around” and i have an “understanding of human nature that is both perceptive and compassionate” – which means all of you should spend more time paying attention to what i have to say.  i’m very perceptive damnit.  (by the way, cb is “coral gold” – sounds butch eh?).

so there you have it.  you can now safely plan your decorating for next year. 

like i said, this is very important stuff people.  pay attention.

in my haste to blog this last night i forgot the best part…  pantone spokeswoman leatrice eiseman had this to say about the choice for color of the year: “blue iris brings together the dependable aspects of blue, underscored by a strong, soul-searching purple cast.  emotionally, it ancoring and meditative with a touch of magic.” 

seriously.  i wonder if she said that with a straight face.

she went on to say this about the selection process: “with blue iris, we felt that it answered several needs, hopes, desires, that kind of thing.”

wow.  like i said – important stuff here.  i’ve always been looking for a stron blue color mixed with a purple cast that had just a hint of magic.  hogwart’s colors should be changed from red and gold, to blue and purple. 

 

ok – firstly…. i’m not the biggest fan of christmas.  with that said, there are far too many blogs spouting about christmas already and it’s not even december yet. 

people.  it’s.too.fucking.soon.

during my evening’s perusal of my blogroll, one of my favorite blogs that features advertising of an adult nature was sporting this picture:

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ummm…. where is his penis?  seriously?  wow…steroids bad.  it looks really deformed.

on the cold front, it’s still kickin, but i hope to shit it’s almost over.

oh, on another front, i have date no. 4 tomorrow night depending on how i feel.  we’re calling him “the dr.”, tho’ he’s not an actual doctor.  but he digs dr. who, so it seemed fitting.

 

 

wow, has it really been almost a week since my last post?  well, ya – suck it bitches… i’ve been out of commission a bit… just deal! 🙂

cb and i had a killer random saturday….  first we hit up some vintage 50’s – 70’s antique shops in st paul…. this is a treasure was not to be missed:

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(it lights up too!)

for all the eames chairs and vintage china – you gotta love kitsch like this…  wow, it really has everything – it’s a shrine! it’s natural! it’s synthetic! it’s pink!  it’s jesus surrounded by shells and schlock.  awesome!

then we hit up a mall to kill time at the apple store before a movie.  after the apple, there was a quick visit to brookstone where cb got his gallop on:

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(i swear the boy can’t pass up an igallop without testing his thigh muscles on it)

after that, we took in lars and the real girl.  words really can’t come close to how much i love this movie.  it’s quiet and smart and small and grand.  quite possibly one of the most genuinely ‘real’ movies i’ve seen in a long long time.  ryan gosling (my future husband) gives a beautiful, understated performance.  emily mortimer, paul schneider (cb’s future husband) and patricia clarkson round out the supurb cast.  this movie touched me in a way that hasn’t happened in a long time. 

after that we hit up innuendo and camp for a couple of beers.  innuendo is a local dive-y gay bar (featuring one of the worst drag show’s i’ve ever seen), whilst camp is just a good (gay) place to people watch while having a great cocktail.

just for fun – my future husband:

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nice f’ing day. 

****warning, this is one of those long/wordy/trying to figure it all out posts.  you may want to just skip to the photo’s at the bottom of the post**** 

so, i’m home – had a productive trip to san francisco and a nice day off on thursday.  i did pop over to the castro to do a bit of window shopping and what not.  a bunch of folks i know were fairly adamant that i hit the bar’s while i was in sf – and for a brief moment or two, i seriously considered it (what was i thinking?!), but at the end of the day i didn’t go.

it’s not that i’m nervous going into gay bar’s – far from it actually, it’s just that i don’t really enjoy them all that much.  i just don’t see the point (or am i missing the point?!).  of course, i get a fair bit of shit from friends here in minneapolis that i don’t go out enough, but i guess i just haven’t found the silver lining to the whole bar thing.  i’d much rather have a nice dinner with friends than try to hang out in a bar.   

so there i was in the gayest city in the world, mecca for homo’s and i could have easily gone into twin peaks or the eagle or hell, there’s even an actual bar called mecca.  the thought of going into a bar and being alone – well, to me seems about the loneliest thing you can do.

i mean, come on – it’s no shock i’m sure that i’m a fairly shy guy.  and sure, the obvious answer is to put myself out there more often and i guess, yea – one way to do that is to actually go to bar’s by myself.  it’s just that sounds so unappealing. 

i guess for most business travellers, going into a bar can offer a certain something – a chance for connection, sex, camaraderie etc.  but at the end of the day, i don’t so much care for casual connections and i don’t really need sex (especially casual sex).  camaraderie is the only thing that interests me, but the whole surface/relationship thing that happens in bars, i just don’t get.  i’ve never been one for the surface.  i don’t exect that will change any day soon. 

i do wish i was one of those happy-go-lucky types that appear to be the life of the party whilst in a bar or nightclub.  i’m just not that happy-go lucky i guess.   serious has been used to describe me far too often.  i’d like to change that….

last week when i was flying home (or going somewhere, can never really tell these days), i was watching the movie ‘high fidelity’ staring john cusack.  high fidelity is one of my favorite movies.  and old standby.  there’s a scene in that movie where john’s character (rob) is questioning his old break-up’s and the big “why” when it comes to romance.  he seeks out his old flame charlie, played by catherine zeta-jones to find out what went wrong:

rob: “why’d you dump me for marko?” 

charlie: “marko just seemed to be a bit more glamorous, more sure of himself.  less hard work.  a little sparkier.”

i feel like that sometimes.  i mean, i’m not all that sure of myself, and i’m sure i’m probably hard work, and i’m definitely not sparky. 

to me the guys that seem at home in bars are sparky.   james is sparky.  cb is sparky.  ax is sparky.  i am not sparky.  i think we can all agree on that. 

i’m a pretty fuckin’ great guy if you ask me, but every time the whole “bar” thing comes up, and the guilt trip’s come out (mine or others), i start to doubt myself. 

i’ve asked the question before – why is it easier for other guys? 

i don’t have the answer’s.  i just know that when i go into a bar, something switches off for me.  the insecurities rear their ugly head’s and i doubt myself too much.  the spark fades out.

so no, i did not hit the bar’s while in sf.  instead, i spent the day the castro. and much like chelsea in ny and boystown in chicago, the castro seems a bit desperate to me.  now, please, don’t miss-read that.  i’m talking about the gay ghetto’s – not the cities themselves.  i love new york more than just about anywhere, and san fran is way up on that list for me too.  spending the afternoon in the castro was fun, but ultimately there’s not a lot of substance there for me – it’s all very surface (i’m more than willing to admit that maybe i haven’t dug deep enough to find the substance).   and we know how i feel about that.  and i pretty much felt invisible while i was there.   maybe that’s it – you can practically smell the desperation in some gay bars.  maybe that’s why i don’t like them.  i don’t like feeling desperate.

so i spent my spare time in record stores (i do love my record stores), and wondering around the city by foot, cable car and street car – taking in the sights, the sounds and the smells.  generally just falling in love with the city.  who needs to fall in love at a bar, when you can fall in love with a whole city?!

san francisco is a truly amazing place.  one that i enjoy more and more every time i visit.

who knows, maybe one day i’ll make it into one of the bars.  and maybe i’ll have a gay old time (it’s been known to happen once or twice <g>).  in the meantime, i’ll just curl up on the couch, or go for a walk on this excellent, crisp fall day in minnesota.

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leather pride

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sutro tower (i love this tower, always have)

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view from the wharf

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coit tower with bay bridge from the top of lombard

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alcatraz

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rare self portrait

after what proved to be an exceedingly long day at work (one of many for the next 6 weeks)  and fighting completely crappy traffic in minneapolis since my primary route fell into the mississippi river – i finally got home and anxiously went to get the mail thinking this was the day i’d get the new entertainment weekly (aka my bible) – did i get the new ew?  no.  i most certainly did not. 

i did however get a copy of the brand new undergear catalog!?

what.in.gay.hell?

how did i get on that mailing list i wonder?

seriously, if the guys at undergear could see me the would know most certainly i’m not their target audience.  i mean, yea, i’m gay and everything – but i’m not one of those guys.

**warning – blatant stereotype ahead**

yes, i assume they make the magazine purely for euro-fags who live in boystown, the castro and chelsea* and have all the time in the world to go to the gym and then hit all the circuit parties. 

i mean, seriously.  look at this stuff: 

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this model kills me – i mean seriously how cheesy is this guy – all rico suave:

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and i don’t even know where to begin with this one… oh the hours that must have been spent shaving/waxing/epilading…:

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now, with all that done and said – undergear is not without its redeeming qualities… i mean, how hot is this:

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it’s like undergear porn.  if i were a 13 yr old with no access to the real thing (or the vhs equivilant), i’d so be all over this in a magazine!

*disclaimer; there are many many many hot guys in boystown, chelsea and the castro who wouldn’t be caught dead in that white number up above… thank god.

it’s time to come out of the closet.

well, at least the big brother closet.  yup, i’m addicted to another piece of trash television reality show.

it’s not my fault, i swear.  it’s the people i work with.  always coming in and talking about who back-stabbed who, who fucked who, who’s doing what in the big brother house.

well, this summer it’s even a little bit more titillating.

here’s hottie-beefcake nick (former pro footballer and minnesota native) admitting that he’s “given a blowjob to a guy”.  this from a supposedly straight guy (tho’ he’s awful chummy with the joe the flamer on the show).

hell, i might have to breakdown and subscribe to showtime for the unedited after-hours content. 

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this weekend is glbt pride in the twin cities and for the first time since i came out all those years ago, i won’t be here to celebrate.  i will be directing a show in victoria, british columbia.

as much as i’m extradinarily humbled to be gay in 2007 and able to be out and live a comforatable life, as some of you know – i struggle with where i fit in the gay world.  that said, it still bum’s me out that i won’t be here to be “out and proud”.

i don’t have a clue where the next year is going to take me (the journey is the fun), but as i look back on the last year i have some thoughts:

  • to james; thank you for opening me up to the possibility again…

  • to chris; thank you for making me see the humor in being gay and to take things light…

  • to ray and jeremy; for always being there and showing me it can work…

  • to jen; for showing me the beauty in life and the passion in all…

  • to amy; for the music and your smile…

  • to scott; for always being there.  always…

  • to ax and jerry; agian, it can work.  you guys are proof…

  • to jason; my new gay brother – thanks for the beer and being there to listen…

  • to alexander; for always showing the “goods” – woof…

  • to brian; for whimsy.  life is better with whimsy…

  • to all the gay bloggers out there (with a hat tip to tacnik and tugboat); you impress and challenge me to do better.  thank you…

an important thank you to stacey, hammer, wendy, greg & bill – you may be straight but your certainly not narrow.  you’ve been with me for years – always supporting, always challenging and always there.  i wouldn’t be half the man i am without you in my life.  thank you for helping me on my journey.

happy pride everyone!

[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOqlrHgrSgc]

watch.

act.

it’s that simple and easy.

(if the above does not work; please cut and paste this address into your browser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOqlrHgrSgc)

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film 2008

charlie wilson's war - 1.2.08 / enchanted - 1.2.08 / there will be blood - 1.12.08 / atonement - 1.13.08 / cloverfield - 1.19.08 / a walk into the sea; danny williams and the warhol factory - 1.20.08 / fool's gold - 2.29.08 / the other bolyn girl - 3.2.08 / forgetting sarah marshall - 4.19.08

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