so on friday after going up to my mom’s and helping her through the whole job thing, cb called and thought i could use a drink.  which i needed bad.  so we went to the eagle.  it was a fairly quiet night at the bar, not a lot of eye candy – but a nice night to hang out with cb for a bit.

until ::drum roll:: james walked in. 

now, i haven’t spent a lot of time talking about james since the first time we split last summer (and most don’t know that we tried it again this fall), cause i don’t like to admit i failed at something – but it is what it is… we tried. and it didn’t work.

but then seeing him brought up to the surface all sorts of feelings i’d been trying to supress.  well, no – that’s not quite accurate – the truth of it is, the last few weeks (month), he’s been in my mind a lot.  seeing him only forced me to deal with it.

at the end of the day i miss him ton’s – i know he still has feelings for me and it’s pretty obvious i still have feelings for him.  i can’t deny them.

he and i spoke again today – it was so good to hear his voice.  but at the same time, i could hear all the unspoken stuff between us – the subtext was huge.  lol.

i really need to figure out what i wanna do about this.